Fast Eddy's Bidding Blues: Wednesday, March 19th

It's best to give while your hand is still warm. -Philip Roth, novelist (b. 1933) 

P, nice Garmin stats on the day -- very impressive. Your head may be too big for your helmet this morning. If you are not careful you will be taking on a new moniker -- Fondo, fondu, funguman. Here is some back up research on fungu:

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Bah%20fungu

Lots of beer here. I will have you sign a draft contract though. Don't worry about the small print -- nothing in there really... Plenty of Iona Gold for anyone who has too many good cards tonight. A toke for every game winner - a pipeful for a rubber. There will be shit to pay.
 

Ride may well work for me - in fact that window (11 - 1:00) will have to work for me. I have the MT with a co-conspirator here in the early afternoon. They will be self propelled so to speak. I don't need to be the driver -- at least not in the car...Let us confer later in the morning. W

Dear Lexicographer and "Don't Worry about the Fine Print" Sleezebag Lawyer!

I must say that I found your latest brief to be somewhat turgid, (not to be confused with Iona golden "turds", however), and rather insulting. I can only compare your remark about my helmet size to remarking to The Sisterhood about such matters as child behaviour, weight gain, exercise, over-shopping for shoes, and the like. While both may well be true, both, it is somehow decreed, are to be studiously avoided, always side-stepped. In fact, the Empress has no new clothes!
 

Since it is quite obvious that you are unable to show any social restraint, perhaps you should submit some of your material to Saturday Night Live, (Could you hear me chortling all the way from Funny Bone Terrace?), as I think you have a vein of gold, so to speak, to mine. As well, you could work, remotely, from your Zen cell on Galiano, and spare your friends and family such hurtful, vitriolic comments and snide remarks. 

While I will still consider riding with you, I plan to wear my Kevlar earplugs to protect me from any further nastiness, from you and/or the Lexus Polizei. Anyway, I want to look somewhat cool, in spite of my "hobo garb", (according to Fashion Critic Coriandre!), grovin' away as I dipsy-doodle in my rat's maze. This just in from Big Al. (See italicized entry below)
 

Any suggestions for a possible sountrack? Perhaps Bob's "Let's Get Together and Feel Alright"? Cheers and thanks for the criticism of my helmet size! Bah fungu! (If you follow this advice you may well find some Iona Brown. Always a silver lining, even in one's intestinal tract! Cheers, Swollen Head, Bopping Biker Dunn!

Hi Double Dealer, (Cards and Dope)!

Forgot to send along the latest "evidence"! Some shots, taken near Spruce Harbour Marina, part of ongoing surveillance on Admiral Barnacle! We suspect he is in cahoots with Iona drug cartel! Please note both the sailboat, decoy, to keep agents away from The Rum Runner, and back-up, raised beds, in case sewage cover operation backs up, so to speak! Code name "Operation Rhodie, Rowdy or Roadie, depending on your particular orientation or level of malt/shit consumption. Cheers, Agent Brown!

Hi Patrice,

Glad to hear of numerous rides and breaking new ground for the peletonions.  I was near your ‘hood yesterday as I happened to peruse the craigslist free section yesterday morning and came across “free pavers” as the first posting under the free section. Don’t know if I mentioned but I’ve decided to completely redo the backyard and turn it into a Butchart gardens kind of thing!. I was tired of looking at the decrepit trampoline for the last couple years and had threatened the kids that inactivity would result in removal of the said eyesore. I have had in mind a nice vegetable garden out back and have been mulling over design ideas. I began to think that by the time a garden was staked out there would be little room for grass anyway and what there would be would be a mud pit most of the time anyway so why not replace those areas with something like gravel or brick combined with various container gardens, trellis’s maybe a small gazebo etc. oh yes and of course a fountain / water feature for that soothing sound.

When I saw the bricks listed I just couldn’t pass them up so I got my old friend Jim to help me and we wound up spending most of the day loading up all these pavers from an old driveway at a house in Shaughnessy that was being redone. it was a lot of work and probably not what the doctor would have recommended as far as my fractured wrist goes but it was too good to pass up. I wound up getting about 1600 bricks worth approximately $3500.00 if I was to go out and buy them somewhere. I’m sure by the time it is all finished out back I’m sure I  will be thankful that I went through the effort. Take care and we’ll talk soon. Cheers, Al

Given the facts that Giorgio had a tight window of riding opportunity and that there was a similar tiny porthole of riding weather possible, we met at The Heartbreak Terrace around 11:30 am and made for SP. While there was but a spitting of rain, the head wind out of the west was more than savage and we had to battle all the way along the stretch from Science World to the park itself. Once there, we were somewhat sheltered. Encountered same wall of air, of course, on return leg, past Olympic Village. 

Since I'd had my marathon ride the day before I intended to do but a "stretch" ride as I thought my legs would need a bit of a rest. Planning for this I had put my two panniers on my Brodie and had set Young Brothers as my destination, as we needed both fruit and vegetables. However, once at Alma, I didn't feel tired at all so proceeded on to Spanish Banks and then by the time I was at the Foreshsore Hill I thought OI might as well tackle it as well. Short dipsy doodle into campus to give me enough distance on the clock so that when I touched the Dreaded Burning Ground in front of YB, odometre registered 61.38 km.

Pleased that I'd not given in to ferocious head wind, (In fact, it was not quite as bad as I had anticipated it would be.), nor leg fatigue, I did my shopping and then returned to The Islay Inn. emptied my full panniers, had a quick mug of java and punched holes in the bottom of a planter Coriandre, in her non-wisdom, had potted a lovely Blue Spruce, without ensuring necessary drainage. Switching my hammer for my helmet, I took off for Cheap Thrills for more staples and this mission accomplished returned home to shower and change and ready myself for bridge at Giggerhaven, at 7:00 pm.

Stats for today's ride: 61.38 km, (+5.50 km), over 3:41'50, AVG 18 km/hr, (18.1 for pre-Burning Ground distance!), but elapsed time includes time shopping at Young Brothers. Somehow lost stats for Cheap Thrill run when I was scrolling through the Cateye Micro Wireless Odometre but hardly with bothering about, particualrly since i had to touch the Burning Ground at numerous points along the roughly 3 km roundtrip route.

Had a grand time. Mick was playing as he and Polly had returned from their month or so in Palm Springs. Enjoyed hearing about their time there over the course of the evening. Fast Eddy was other player, sharp as ever. I started out with Whirlygig and poor Giorgio was cursed with an almost complete dearth of points for entire evening. Didn't help our total score, on that partnership, that I managed to go down, doubled and vulnerable, (We were scoring Chicago-style.), 4 Diamonds, giving our opponents 1,100 points! 

Nevertheless, it was great good fun. Mich was overall winner so he is keen to play next week as well! Sad Sack whirlybird has given up game!

Hi Craigslist Junkie! Somewhat disingenuous of you to say that you just "happened to peruse the free section" as I'm sure you read it assiduously before anything else, probably, as soon as you are up and throughout the day. I happen to know the hoarder mentality quite well, although not from personal experience, however!

Glad you discovered the feature that allows you to follow the crazed rat! Had a grand chortle about you suggestion about adding a soundtrack. Great idea! Only need that part as my penchant for dipsy-doodles inevitably provides seemingly random circles and reversals. Yesterday's ride is a poifect example!

At any rate, I had a message from Giorgio this morning. While we were out at Iona yesterday we were passed by about three or four "honey wagons" and we started riffing on this theme, as we battled the head wind. Not quite sure how things morphed the way they did but at one point Giorgio suggested that the sewage haulage was a cover for drugs to be smuggled out of YVR. I replied, saying, "Man, that Iona Brown is way better than Afghani Black, you dig, Dude! That be some far out, heavy shit, Man! Who needs that BC bud, give me a hit of Iona anytime. And it's free. You just go to the settling ponds and skim as much as you want!" And on and on. We almost forgot about the head wind. Must have been some sort of contact high!

We are playing bridge at his place this evening and he sent me a message this morning. I include the followin. (See italicized entry above.) Cheers, Patrizzio!

Pics: Some shots, taken near Spruce Harbour Marina, part of ongoing surveillance on Admiral Barnacle! We suspect he is in cahoots with Iona drug cartel!

Pat - I have tasting tickets at the discounted price and would appreciate it if you purchased yours through me. I could bring some on Sunday. OK? Cheers...Paul

Hi Paolo!

I'll contact the friends who might wish to attend and will probably have a better idea of interest before Sunday. I'll let you know before then and I assume more can always be had, through you, later. I've also mentioned 1:45 pm to Kjell. Cheers, Patrizzio!  

Hi Malt People: Just had this from Paul Whitney:

Pat - I have tasting tickets at the discounted price, [Think that means Early Bird at $110], and would appreciate it if you purchased yours through me.

Paolo doesn't make anything but he is in a competition with other VIWF Board members. Event will be held at Hycroft, again, on Friday, May 30, 2014. Website: http://vancouverwritersfest.createsend4.com/t/ViewEmail/y/5CCD45C757D4F3DE/F20DD6B64ABB4BAD3FEC1D8A50AFD3BD

Big Al:

If you go to this site you can click on last year's pictures. You are featured, along with Heraldo!

Anyway, let me know if you'd like to attend and we'll plan accordingly. I think we'll have a "food" gathering here beforehand to set us up for tastings. Cheers, Patrizzio! 

I am in. Wayne  Hi Sarge! Great! I'll be in touch about payment, etc. Cheers, Patrizzio!

Hi Lads! Thanks for hosting, Whirlygig! Great night for most of us even if you came up short on points! Better next week, for sure. How could it be worse? Let me know, everyone, about next week at The Islay Inn, Wednesday, 7:00 pm. Cheers, Il Conduttore!